Control or Compassion? It's Up to You.

 The need for control runs rampant in our society. Its reflection can be seen in our laws, politics, religion, family values, fundamentalist beliefs, and personal relationships. How does control rear its ugly head in your life? Would you describe yourself as the controller or the controllee and is there really a difference? Understanding why control is a problem in your life will help relieve it. Why does someone feel the need to control? Is there a way of living in harmony with controlling people in a controlling society? Are they a reflection of our own need to control?

Are you the controller or the controllee and is there really a difference?

Let’s start by looking at the controller. Why do they act the way they do? When someone is constantly telling you what to do, how to look and what you should be saying, they are really telling you that they do not know what they should do, how they should look and what they should say. They are unsure of their decisions but attempt to hide it by controlling others around them. Their uncertainty is often buried so deep, they are unaware of what is driving their emotions.

Early family programming creates this type of behavior. An old Indian proverb tells us to not judge another man until you have walked in his shoes. The best way to understand the controller in your life is to change your perspective. At first this will be done in the mind. Let the mind imagine how the controller’s life must have been early on. If you know incidents that happened to them in their youth, think about how those situations must have impacted them. Do not see your controller as an adult. See them as a child because when they are attempting to control, they are not acting from their adult self, they are acting as a child. When children act out it is often because they are injured, frightened, confused, feel powerless or unsure of themselves. Let your intellect conceptualize this understanding and then anchor it into your heart.

Now you have created a state of compassion. Here is where peace abides. It can also become a place of clarity where you let go of ideas and concepts about others and see them with new eyes. As you do this, the space in your heart will become open and clear.